in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
