I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
