What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
