Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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