Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
