i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You ate ashes out of my bong
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
