Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
