Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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