When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
