woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
