and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize