She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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