Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
