he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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