just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
