Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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