so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
