I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They have beer where we have blood.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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