He felt like a one man threesome
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
