I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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