I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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