I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
