this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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