Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
