I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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