did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
