birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
