maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
