Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
