mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize