i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
