a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
