If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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