Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
