Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
