I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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