There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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