I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nutella sex= disaster
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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