Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize