one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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