Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need to stop coming to work sober
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize