Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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