Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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