well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
