I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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