My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
