Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
