dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize