I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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