You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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