i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
