Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
