That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
