is your mom at the bar?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
