I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
