I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
