The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
