Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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