New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize