You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My dick has a subreddit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
