but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
