so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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