She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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