I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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