woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
