If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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