walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
