im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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