More tranny stories later!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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