this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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