in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
