He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
