R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
