Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I want is dick and wine.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
