Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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