i jhust puked up my retainher.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
